"Getting us used to unfamiliar surroundings. . . . It was a kind of ‘warming-up’. . . . Others felt differently, they were desperate to start on the wards, to be part of the ‘doing’. I was anxious about those patients seeing me and thinking I could help them, when the chances were, I couldn’t."
"I put my nervousness down to lack of confidence and failure to learn, rather than insight into the implications of my very reasonable limitations. Judging myself harshly, as usual, and having to wait another twenty years or so to give meaning to my early nervousness."
I agree, you shouldn't have judged yourself!
It's an interesting problem, the same in both nursing and the legal profession, at a certain level of abstraction: You invest all this time, years in the classroom, learning a bunch of stuff, then passing a test, and then you're licensed by the state, which officially recognizes you as a member of the profession--in effect, our whole society is officially declaring to people that you are one of the people who can take care of certain kinds of problems for them (legal problems with lawyers, medical problems with nurses)--but when you start out, you have _almost none of the experience that people are counting on you to have._ More than anything else, what makes you the person they can count on and want you to be (and assume you already are) is years of experience, which it will take you years to accumulate.
In the meantime, we fake it, more or less--even if only implicitly, by not correcting every patient who assumes we have any idea what we're doing (which we absolutely also should not do)--and feel pretty bad about ourselves for faking it, as you did.
Absolutely this. It's quite an act, I think, that outward veneer of confidence and safety whilst inside the insecurity is raging. All those years ago there was no time for reflection, no need for it, or more likely, it wasn't yet seen as a useful tool. In my late years now, when I do reflect, I feel like the wisest woman in the world!! If only that had come sooner!
A trip down memory lane. A little before my time but lots that are familiar. I too wanted to learn more in the classroom before being let loose. Nightingale wards were so much easier fir nurses to keep an eye on all patients, single rooms now require more staff. Love these blogs, if anything would like them to be longer. Thank you June!
Oh thanks, Karen! I love this writing lark. Even a short post takes a while to get right. I was writing a memoir for book publication but I couldn't get anyone interested in it, so now I post short excerpts here. I'm ruminating on whether to make it paid or not. My memories are valuable, at least to me!
"Getting us used to unfamiliar surroundings. . . . It was a kind of ‘warming-up’. . . . Others felt differently, they were desperate to start on the wards, to be part of the ‘doing’. I was anxious about those patients seeing me and thinking I could help them, when the chances were, I couldn’t."
"I put my nervousness down to lack of confidence and failure to learn, rather than insight into the implications of my very reasonable limitations. Judging myself harshly, as usual, and having to wait another twenty years or so to give meaning to my early nervousness."
I agree, you shouldn't have judged yourself!
It's an interesting problem, the same in both nursing and the legal profession, at a certain level of abstraction: You invest all this time, years in the classroom, learning a bunch of stuff, then passing a test, and then you're licensed by the state, which officially recognizes you as a member of the profession--in effect, our whole society is officially declaring to people that you are one of the people who can take care of certain kinds of problems for them (legal problems with lawyers, medical problems with nurses)--but when you start out, you have _almost none of the experience that people are counting on you to have._ More than anything else, what makes you the person they can count on and want you to be (and assume you already are) is years of experience, which it will take you years to accumulate.
In the meantime, we fake it, more or less--even if only implicitly, by not correcting every patient who assumes we have any idea what we're doing (which we absolutely also should not do)--and feel pretty bad about ourselves for faking it, as you did.
And that's the best-case outcome...
Absolutely this. It's quite an act, I think, that outward veneer of confidence and safety whilst inside the insecurity is raging. All those years ago there was no time for reflection, no need for it, or more likely, it wasn't yet seen as a useful tool. In my late years now, when I do reflect, I feel like the wisest woman in the world!! If only that had come sooner!
A fascinating piece of social history thank you! I would love to read more!
Thank you Ali! I'm so pleased you enjoyed it.
It great to read about how nursing used to be. How times have changed. The beds are so advanced and long gone are glass bottle urinals.
Yes, indeed. It was a different world.
A trip down memory lane. A little before my time but lots that are familiar. I too wanted to learn more in the classroom before being let loose. Nightingale wards were so much easier fir nurses to keep an eye on all patients, single rooms now require more staff. Love these blogs, if anything would like them to be longer. Thank you June!
Oh thanks, Karen! I love this writing lark. Even a short post takes a while to get right. I was writing a memoir for book publication but I couldn't get anyone interested in it, so now I post short excerpts here. I'm ruminating on whether to make it paid or not. My memories are valuable, at least to me!
Thanks, Maureen. This would have been 1971, while I was in PTS. A lifetime ago! I'm so glad you enjoy the posts.